paradisaeaseven | Entries tagged with rant

ok i need a long rant! this is gonna be mostly positive but i want to talk about negatives too.

i saw the movie iron lung this week by markiplier, and god i felt EUPHORIC!! it was so amazing. i loved it so much and i don't know how to explain how happy it made me .like a bloom in my chest out of pure joy. i was so excited watching it and the ending was amazing and gave me chills. it was so good and i really want to watch it all over again so i can't wait for it to come out on streaming/youtube. it's definitely sparked a new interest in me and i have to draw it!!!
next positive is my mocks. i used to be REALLy fucking depressed it was crazy. i was also hospitalized for my anorexia (my friends think it was just "heart illness") and i wasn't ablke to revise becaause i was so depressed. i literally got an ungradable on my science paper because it was that bad. but i'm so proud because i've been able to bounce back up from that and am now confidently passing about all of my subjects. its only a four but i think going up fourish fivish grades in a few years is really good. i honestly thought i wouldn't even MAKE it to my gcses so i'm pretty proud, but i am really exhausted., i kind of miss being hospitalized when i was asuicide risk because at least people did care ahkjshfdg.
a third thing i'm really excited about is my art courseowkr. the artists ive chosen really appeal to me and i love the topic, it really helps me explore freedom and i love the subtopics i chose like friendship and coping mechanisms.
also, this week i've started to realize how happy my friends make me like, TRULY.. i used to have a pretty big friendgroup but none of them really liked my true self, so i masked a lot.. i guess? i just wasn't myself. i wasn't cringey and i was very loud and like. touchy. idk. i was highkey dissociated asf during that time.
but nowadays i have friends who i can be myself around, albeit VERY annoying.. i really love them, and i hope they like me too. i really hope we all stay in contact even after we graduate.

okay thats it for now im sleepy